Last Week

I don’t ever recall such a wealth of frustration, anxiety, laughter, stress, and general loud noises erupting around me as I write this.

There are 3 more days to go in this school year at SAIT. I just finished a test, and all I could think of while writing it was how much I wanted to be out of there.

Have you ever read those Harry Potter books that’s popular with the kids? When those books reach their denouement, J. K. Rowling always describes the atmosphere at Hogwarts as being bittersweet as the year draws to an end. What I’m trying to do is use her words to explain how I’m feeling. It wouldn’t really work if you  haven’t read the books though. However, with Harry Potter, the lead characters have always done something extraordinary like fighting off three-headed dogs or stopping evil wizards with no noses. And then Harry looks around the school and the narrative reads something like “It was hard to imagine that the students were concerned about final paper and exams, completely oblivious to the dangers that the world faced, just 24 hours earlier”.

Now I’m not saying that I slayed any dragons this year, or saved any convicts from their death sentence, but for some strange reason, I feel just like Harry and his accomplices feel at the end of their yearly adventures. I just want to sit out on the lawn and enjoy the sun, eating chocolate frogs and drinking pumpkin juice while the giant squid swims around the great lake* (*creative license used for that statement).

I’m really going to miss this place. I find myself leaving SAIT late at night on a frequent basis. I notice how much this is a great campus on those nights.

And as for this class? What can I say? It’s a group of people that I am extremely close to. I love seeing them every day, because I love being around them.

This summer vacation has four months to it. It’s gonna be sad to leave school, but boy I can’t wait for the break.

“In case I don’t see you, Good Afternoon, Good Evening and Good Night.”

–Truman Burbank “The Truman Show”

Youtube

Hello Internet.

I feel you and I have had a strained relationship. We barely seem to hang out anymore, and whenever we do, we’re consistently distracted, and never seem to pay each other any real attention. And then there are the times where we just decide to quit on each other. I feel distant. 😦

There ave been recent developments in my life, and I feel you need to be an important part of it. And let’s face it, I can’t do this alone. I feel like I have been consistently learning, always adding more design to the tapestry of my life. Actually at this point it’s more like a thin napkin, but I digress. This tapestry now needs an anchor to hold it up. (I’m not even really sure if that’s right for this context. How does an anchor hold something up?) And so I turn to you, internet.

Sometime earlier this year, I feel we took a further step in our relationship. I’ve shared ideas, thoughts, opinions and recipes with you. I’ve trying my level best to appeal to you, paying more attention to my conduct than I would in previous years. We’ve come a long way, internet.

And now, I feel we may have reached the epitome of our relationship. See, here’s where I finally share all my passion and creativity with you. Here’s where I tell you that we must take the next step together. We must stand united. This is finally the time for me to shine, and you will be there to witness it all. I will ride this wave of glory on your shoulders.

I now have a youtube channel.
YOU HEARING ME INTERNET?!

This changes everything.

Tune in, stay tuned, and don’t take your eyes of off me.
This is the next chapter in the saga.

http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqFo175DQMNFM28Warp4LiA

Wait till they get a load of me– Joker, Tim Burton’s Batman.

Insightful Attempt #2

Have you ever struggled so hard to meet a potential, then see others meet it?

I’m not trying to justify some simple emotion like jealousy. It’s more complex than that. It’s seeing something in others that you want to have. I guess you could sort of look up to the person, and strive to be like them.

This potential I speak of, it’s hard to define too. There’s so much to be said for human potential, but this is something personal that you strive for.

Have you ever met someone who then describes this potential in perfect detail? Have they ever done it when they weren’t even speaking to you?

It’s like they already know of it, like they could lecture on it if they have to, and they don’t even know you. They have no idea how much they’re affecting you.

Is that what a wake-up call is?

Out there
There’s a world outside of Yonkers
Way out there beyond this hick town, Barnaby
There’s a slick town, Barnaby
Out there
Full of shine and full of sparkle
Close your eyes and see it glisten, Barnaby
Listen, Barnaby…

– Jerry Herman, Put on your Sunday Clothes, “Hello Dolly”

Insightful attempt #1

I cut my hand through utter stupidity and I walk to find this beautiful stream and I wash the congealed blood. I feel the cold water and I lie on the grass and I feel the Earth breathing under me.

I sit by the river and I drink a beer and I see the yellow, the orange and the red of the trees around me. I plot ideas, concepts and stories and vow to expand them one day. A masterpiece awaits.

I stand on my deck at around two in the morning. My family sleeps, and I hold a mug of green tea and I look up at the stars. And faintly, I see it. The milky-way, as we know it from Earth. I think of space travel and the heavens that stand above us- the lives that have passed through history and have transcended our earthly realms. I might have steeped my teabag for too long.

I’m by the river again. I write a message in a bottle. Seriously. I forget what I said, but it had something to do with love and beer and the sun. It was a completely overcast day, but I remember the ray of sunshine that shined as I wrote this message. Blanche de Chambly. More stories. More ideas.

How is it that negativity can find its way so easily into my life. I hope that the future holds a variety of hardships and pitfalls and despair. I will walk without panic, cynicism or anger. And I shall overcome all of it.

All of it will pass.

And all that remains is what I have sought my entire life.

Out there and in here.

“You have made a mistake Arcane. Things have changed since you were dead. I am not Holland. I am Swamp Thing. I am of the clean Earth I am in my place of power. And you should not have COME here!” — Swamp Thing 

 

I’ll go to sleep now

The city is busy, and people zip around with purpose. They know where they’re going, and they need to get there immediately and there is very little that can stop them and very little that can distract them. I recall the few moments when I was in a similar state of mind. With doctor’s appointments or work or some other facet of everyday life dominating my thoughts to the point where the city sweeps past me and I do not seem to notice it. Granted, this is a rare occurrence, but I cannot deny that I hope I am never in that state of mid. I hope I can always take my time. I hope I can always take in the city.

–

It’s Christmastime and I visit the Lougheed house with my friends because I’ve never been before. One of them drags their legs, the other is fascinated, and I try to maintain a childlike sense of wonder as we enter this historic landmark. Carols are played on a piano, warm cider is served, the house sparkles with spirit and we leave happy. We head to Galaxie Diner because I’ve never been before and we relish in our meal. One of my friends leaves, then the foot-dragger and I head to St. James Corner because I’ve never been before, and in one of my walks it stood out to me. And I wanted a beer. And we sit at a table meant for six and we partake in a conversation involving lycans and women and spaceships and women and the sun and women. And though the table was meant for six no one sat near us even as the bar filled. We are given a wide berth as though quarantined from the normal folk. We laugh hysterically like pirates.

–

I always try to over-celebrate my birthday so that I don’t really have to think about it. I call friends, I make multiple plans, I keep myself busy, and I make sure to leave the house. It’s summertime and I leave my house early in the morning and I head to that habitat for hipsters, Kensington. I get off the train I walk over to the Arthouse tattoo studio for my 10:30 appointment with Mr. Luke Van Wyk. It’s my first tattoo- it reads “Don’t Panic” on the inside of my left wrist. I walk around Kensington for a bit and I purchase a sweater from The Earth Store which only sells fair trade, 100% organic clothes. It shuts down a short 2 months later. I ride the train for a few stops into downtown and I meet my father and we have lunch together in the city at a Vietnamese place. I leave my father and ride the train a few stops further to Victoria Park/Stampede and I walk down 17th to meet my friend. He tells me he will be a while, so I decide to walk into St. Mary’s Cathedral. It’s totally empty. I sit in one of the pews and just take in the silence. Before I leave I say a small prayer of thanks and ask for guidance. I meet my friend and we head away from downtown and ride the train to Chinook in the south where we meet two more of my friends for a movie. After the movie we head to Schanks and I impress my friends with my poor skills at pool as we wait for another member of my party. He arrives and we head to the final destination of the day, the Kensington Pub. Same place where the day started, if you’re keeping track. We eat drink, and be all kinds of merry as the last member of our party joins us. We finally leave the pub and I insist that we climb this hill that’s not to far away. All six of us climb the hill and we get our view of the city. The lights sparkle and the people bustle and the cars zoom in and out. I make sure to do this every year. This past year I took my friends aside individually and told them why I appreciate them so much and why I’m excited for the future. They think I am hammered and that I make no sense. The city twinkles in the background.

–

It’s autumn and there’s a movie I want to see and it’s playing at one of the theaters downtown. I attend the movie with three friends, two of whom are a couple. We watch the film at the Uptown. We are four of only six people in the theater. The theater closes down within the next month. I am mesmerized by the film. Its about a man who falls in love with Paris- He calls it the hottest spot in the Universe. After the film I insist on walking the couple to their condo downtown. My friend and I then walk to the train but then decide that we would like a quick bite to eat. Apart from bars the only place open is a Tim Hortons. It’s the first time my friend has ever had cider and he rants and raves about how he can’t believe he’s been missing out on it. We walk towards 4th street station and we sit in that new park that opened by it. We sit in front of the long water wall and we talk about relationships and our future. We’ve spent a good 3 hours just talking and walking. We finally part company as the city continues to bustle.

–

I saw that movie again tonight. About the guy who falls in love with Paris.

Calgary is not the hottest spot in the Universe. It would be naive to think that. Am I fond of Calgary? I think I am. But I also feel that all cities hold potential. There’s still a lot for me to see. I’m a bit of a romantic. Just like the guy in the film. There’s a lot to see, and I might just fall in love with this place, or with any other place. As long as there’s life and lights and culture and character. And beer. And women.

Keep bustling, keep living and keep twinkling. And I shall make certain I always have time to take it all in.