The Post About Everything

So I realized I haven’t posted anything all week following my week-long WrestleMania geek-fest. During this week there has been a load of stuff that all warrant a post entry. I’m talking movie reviews, insightful attempts, and an unhealthy amount of personal anecdotes. So I’m gonna attempt to blog about all of it. If you meet me on the street sometime soon and slap me across the face, I shall know it’s because you are bewildered by this post. And then we shall be forced to throw down fisticuffs.

• WrestleMania was awesome, as I expected, The Rock beat John Cena, which I did not expect but totally enjoyed, and my friend really damaged his throat yelling at the screen. He’s a metalhead. I still laugh at his misfortune, but really, I’m glad he enjoyed himself so much.
• I watched “What’s Up Tiger Lily?”, which is director Woody Allen’s debut. Its a Japanese Crime movie that’s been dubbed over with shoddy American dialogue. It’s hilarious, and gives me hope that being totally silly can still lead to an enlightened career.
• I started watching “Sons of Anarchy”, and I’m very impressed. I will someday ask Ron Perlman for a hug while secretly hoping he punches me in the face instead. And then we shall be forced to throw down fisticuffs.
• I watched “Take Shelter” recently as my parents scratched their head. I then spent the rest of the day looking outside my window putting off going outside because it was cloudy.
• I also watched “Warrior”, and I had to turn on my subtitles to understand what Nick Nolte was talking about. I marked out when I saw Kurt Angle, and I can’t wait to see Tom Hardy as Bane. The guy’s a tank.
• What else did I watch? “50/50”, and I nearly cried. Seriously. But again, i was very impressed. I think the ideal time for me to try marijuana would be with people triple my age who have it prescribed to them. Or with Seth Rogen in a parking lot.
• You read correctly. I have not smoked marijuana.
•  This changes almost on a weekly basis, but as of today, I want to marry this girl:

• ^That girl^ is Peggy Olson. She’s on “Mad Men”. She’s cute, funny, and assertive. And she dresses like she’s from the sixties (coz she’s from the sixties….) Watch “Mad Men”!
• I also watched “The Passion of the Christ” and even as I write this I’m trying to think of ways that I can avoid controversy. I really liked the movie.
• Happy Easter! this post is related to the last one, in case you missed my poor attempt at subtlety. I ate a lot of chocolate over the past 24 hours. If you see me sometime soon, please knock whatever sugary item I am holding out of my hand. Unless its a Cadbury Creme Egg. Because then we shall be forced to throw down fisticuffs.
• As I write this I’m watching a show on FOX called “Excused” Its about some girls that get to pick mystery dates, and they’re really sassy. The host is really funny. I’m actually enjoying it, and I feel kinda guilty about it. And as my parents just walked in the front door I hastily changed the channel

Ratings for the movies I mentioned:

• “What’s Up Tiger Lily?”: 4/5
• “Take Shelter”: 4.5/5
• “Warrior”: 3.5/5
• “50/50”: 3.5/5
• “The Passion of the Christ”: 5/5

Notice how I made the whole post about me? That’s because it’s MY blog. Also clear after that blog, is that I watch a lot of movies and TV. It happens to be what I want to do with my life, so lay off. But seriously, I need to get out more. As soon as those clouds pass…

WrestleMania 28 – Preview, Predictions, and Preferences – 1 Night Away

One night away. I don’t know if I’ll get any sleep tonight. For this final blog post, I shall preview Sunday’s card, share my thoughts on the matches, and give you my predicted as well as my preferred outcome. Let’s get right into it:

 

Divas Tag-Team Match – Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos vs. Beth Phoenix and Eve Torres

L-R: Maria Menounos, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Divas Champion Beth Phoenix

Trust me, I’m not being sexist when I say this is the most pointless match on the card. Poor creative decisions have made the once great Divas division nothing more than a joke these days. Why would you include the talented Divas Champion in this match rather than have her defend her title? Beats me.The only reason this match is on the card is because WWE felt they needed a last minute celebrity presence so they booked Access Hollywood’s Maria Menounos. Whoop de doo.

Predicted Winner: Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos

Preferred Winner: Couldn’t care less.

Team Teddy: Santino Marella, R-Truth, Kofi Kingston, Zack Ryder, The Great Khali, and Booker T w/Hornswoggle vs. Team Johnny: David Otunga, Mark Henry, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, The Miz, and Drew McIntyre w/Vickie Guerrero

L-R: Background: John Laurinaitus, Theodore Long; Foreground: Team Johnny: Jack Swagger, Drew McIntyre, David Otunga, Mark Henry, Dolph Ziggler, The Miz; Team Teddy: Booker T, The Great Khali, R-Truth, Santino Marella, Kofi Kingston and Zack Ryder

Bear with me because this might be confusing. Theodore Long is the General Manager for WWE’s Smackdown! brand, and John Laurinaitus is the Executive Vice-President of Talent Relations and the General Manager of WWE’s RAW brand. At WrestleMania they will each lead a team of six wrestlers that they assembled. The winning team will have its General Manager take complete control over both brands. Some of the talent in this match is very impressive, namely Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler, R-Truth, Zack Ryder and ‘The Awesome One’ The Miz. However, I’m only mildly interested in this match. Its matches like this that make me wish WWE still did their annual Money in the Bank match at WrestleMania.

Predicted Winner: Team Johnny

Preferred Winner: Team Johnny

Randy Orton vs Kane

L-R: Kane, Randy Orton

This is a bit of poor booking on WWE’s part, as it features two great talents simply being thrown into a match together. The story revolves around how Kane feels he “became human” when he shook Randy Orton’s hand last summer. It’s something he’s regretted ever since, and when he made his comeback earlier in January, he was his usual twisted, masked monster self again and he was gunning for Randy Orton. It’s a silly story and makes no sense, no matter how much Kane’s mic skills sell it. I really hope they put on a great match to make up for the poor story.

Predicted Winner: Randy Orton

Preferred Winner: Kane

Intercontinental Championship Match – Cody Rhodes (C) vs. Big Show

L-R: Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes, Big Show

Cody Rhodes had a tremendously impressive year, beginning with his upset victory over Rey Mysterio last year at WrestleMania 27. He has been Intercontinental Champion for a very long time and has vowed to bring some prestige back to the IC title. Big Show is one of the WWE’s longest running competitors, and at 7 feet tall and 500 pounds, is the self-proclaimed “World’s Largest Athlete”. Earlier this year, Cody began this feud by pointing out that Big Show has had a reputation for under-performing at WrestleMania, even going so far to show clips of the infamous failures, including Big Show getting knocked out by Floyd Mayweather and his embarrassing Sumo Match with Akebono. This will be a great match to watch, and it will be interesting to see how the much smaller Rhodes deals with Big Show’s diverse talents.

Predicted Winner: Cody Rhodes

Preferred Winner: Big Show

World Heavyweight Championship Match – Daniel Bryan (C) vs. Sheamus

L-R: Sheamus, World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan

What makes this match so exciting? Just last year at WrestleMania 27, the same match was booked, with the United States title on the line. It wound up being a dark match (non-televised). And this year it’s a headliner. I’m extremely glad that these phenomenal wrestlers have come a long way I honestly would be glad with any outcome (though I would secretly be doing a dance if Bryan retained). There was a brief version of this feud that existed last year, when Bryan was a face U.S. Champion, and Sheamus was the heel challenger.  Sheamus got the better of Bryan during that brief feud. This year their roles have been reversed, and the stakes are totally larger. But Bryan’s been on a role of pulling of upset victories (mainly through shady means) and he just might do it again.

Predicted Winner: Sheamus

Preferred Winner: Daniel Bryan

WWE Championship Match – CM Punk (C) vs. Chris Jericho

L-R: WWE Champion CM Punk, Chris Jericho

Another exciting facet of this year’s WrestleMania is that CM Punk and Daniel Bryan have both come from the same humble beginnings in the independent wrestling circuit, with particularly successful stints in Ring of Honor Wrestling.  And this year, they headline WrestleMania as World Champions. It’s the dawn of a new era in wrestling, and it looks extremely promising. As for CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho, I believe it will be the show-stealer. As big as Rock/Cena  and the Hell in a Cell match are, I truly believe Punk and Jericho will put on an awesome performance that will steal the show. Their outstanding mic skills have allowed them to create a palpable tension going into this match, and their remarkable in-ring talent should provide us with a quality match.

Predicted Winner: CM Punk

Preferred Winner: CM Punk

Hell in a Cell Match – Triple H vs. The Undertaker – Special Guest Referee: Shawn Michaels

L-R: The Undertaker, Special Guest Referee Shawn Michaels, Triple H.

There is sooooo much to get excited about in this match. Its three wrestlers that I hold in my personal top 10 in the ring together at the same time. It’s the rematch to one of my favorite WrestleMania matches. It’s Undertaker’s 19-0 streak on the line once again. A word on exactly what “Hell in a Cell” Match is. It’s a match with no rules; the only way to win is by pinfall or submission. The “Cell” is a towering structure that will surround the ring, encaging the wrestlers. It stands 20 ft. tall and weighs five tons. The cage extends outside the ring as well, so wrestlers have space to move outside. And the Cell is enclosed on top, so the only means to escape is through a locked door (which has happened multiple times before). Shawn Michaels and Undertaker competed in the first ever “Cell” match. Shawn has also faced Triple H in the cell. Triple H and Undertaker combined have competed in 19 of the 24 Hell in a Cell matches since its creation. But they have never faced each other under its confines. This match is billed as “the end of an era”, and I firmly believe it will be just that. It’s entirely possible that this will be the last match for Triple H and certainly for Undertaker. The fan in me is weeping with excitement. The kid in me just peed his pants.

Predicted Winner: The Undertaker

Preferred Winner: The Undertaker

The Rock vs. John Cena

L-R: John Cena, The Rock

Certainly the main event, and certainly the last match of the night. A lot of fans have been critical of WWE’s decision to book this match a year in advance and have the feud stretched out over a year. To quote Bilbo Baggins, it felt thin “like butter scraped over too much bread”. However, I wouldn’t go so far as some fans to deny my interest in the match altogether. This is still the first match The Rock is competing in in over 7 years. And boy have I missed him. I’m excited to see him in the ring again, even if it is against a guy who isn’t worthy to lace up his boots. The outcome to this match is one that I’ve known ever since it was first booked. It happened when Hulk Hogan faced Andre the Giant, and it happened when The Rock faced Hulk Hogan. It’s called a ‘passing of the torch’.  And I’m certain that the final image of the night will be of The Rock congratulating John Cena and raising his hand in victory.

Predicted Winner: John Cena

Preferred Winner: The Rock

If you’re watching WrestleMania, I wish you happy viewing. If you aren’t, whassamattawitchya?! Expect an in-depth review the morning after. Good night world!.

WrestleMania 28 – The Players of WrestleMania 28 (Part 2) – 4 Nights Away

What’s this? I have more to say about WrestleMania? Of course I do. Here’s a few more important wrestlers to watch at this years Mania. Which the majority of you will not be watching. Whatever.

Daniel Bryan: In the same vein of hard-working superstars as CM Punk is the ‘Submission Specialist’ Daniel Bryan. Just like Punk, Bryan is a kid who made a name for himself as Bryan Danielson, touring the world and finding great success in the independent circuit. He’s frequently won Insider awards for best wrestler of the year, and as a storied 10 year career before even stepping foot in the WWE. So needless to say, he was a hot prospect when WWE finally acquired him and he debuted as Daniel Bryan just two years ago. Since his debut Daniel Bryan has been fired for being ‘too violent’ and then quickly rehired due to fan’s demands. Bryan has risen through WWE’s ranks fairly quickly, finally winning the World Heavyweight Championship in December of last year, though by questionable means. He’s taken on the role of a heel (bad guy) and developed a self-righteous attitude that is an extension of his real life vegan lifestyle. I have been consistently entertained by Bryan, both in his silly antics outside the ring to gain fan’s hatred, to his stellar talents in the ring. He’s a first class performer, and calls to mind the pure wrestling talent that men like Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit utilized. At WrestleMania 28, Bryan puts his World Heavyweight Title on the line against the brute ‘Celtic Warrior’ Sheamus.

Sheamus: Another young wrestler that has quickly risen through the ranks to become a major talent in the WWE and a representative for the future of the business. Sheamus hails from Dublin, Ireland and in 2009 became WWE’s first Irish-born world champion. Since then, Sheamus has had his ups and downs, but looks to be on an incredible roll leading into WrestleMania. He maintains an in-ring style that revolves around his sheer brute force and brawling ability. His win at the 2012 Royal Rumble gave him a guaranteed spot to challenge any World Champion at WrestleMania. Sheamus chose Daniel Bryan, and vows to come away from his match as a champion again. Sheamus has a bright future ahead of him, and he’s become a man who could easily be molded into WWE’s next superstar. His road to superstardom could very well begin at ‘Mania after being crowned World Heavyweight Champion.

John Cena: WWE’s premier poster-boy, and one half of the main-event for this year’s WrestleMania. John Cena is a wrestler who has become this generation’s Hulk Hogan. He’s become the most popular name associated with the company, and they couldn’t be any prouder. After all he adheres to a code of ‘hustle, loyalty, respect’ and believes in ‘rising above hate’. He’s a model champion. Cena is a guy who was slowly crafted into the character he is now, and has changed considerably since his Vanilla Ice wannabe gimmick that he originally used. He salutes the troops and preaches American ideals. Now it would be remiss not to mention the curious reaction that Cena receives from fans. There is an undeniable portion of the audience that cannot stand John Cena, and I’m one of them. After all, wrestling is fake, and when this becomes clear, Cena’s high ideals become something we can smell him shoveling. After all, this has happened in the past. Face (good guy) wrestlers often get booed for being too goody-two-shoes. The end-result is often the wrestler turning heel to change up their character. Cena refuses to do this, stating that he wishes to ‘rise above hate’. Once again, keep in mind wrestling is fake. At WrestleMania 28, Cena goes one on one against The Rock. It’s a dream match that has been one year in the making, and promises to be a ‘once in a lifetime’ event.

The Rock: It is entirely possible that you may have heard of this man. One of the most successful wrestlers both in and out of the ring, The Rock has become a legend in the WWE. His career for the company was a triumphant one, that saw him capture numerous world titles and create a character that has become a beloved icon in wrestling. Born a third-generation wrestler, after his grandfather Peter Maivia and father Rocky Johnson, The Rock had a lot to live up to. He has since managed to surpass the careers that Maivia and Johnson had. His mic skills are still acclaimed as being the best in the history of the business. Following his success in the WWE, The Rock would eventually leave to join Hollywood and make his living as a movie actor. Seven years after what many believed would be The Rock’s final match, he returned live on Raw. The response was almost deafening. He mentioned how excited he was to be back, how he would be hosting WrestleMania, and how much he hated John Cena. The last one seemed to come out of left field. And so The Rock/Cena feud was born. At WrestleMania 27, The Rock stepped out of his professional role as the host to interfere in John Cena’s main-event title match, and cost him the championship. The next night on RAW, The Rock and Cena made a vow to meet again in a match at next year’s WrestleMania in what appears to be an Icon vs Icon match. The Rock should be no stranger to this type of match, having competed against Hulk Hogan at WrestleMania 18. That match ended with Hogan passing the torch to The Rock. Will we witness a similar outcome this WrestleMania?

Wrestlemania 28 – The Players of Wrestlemania (Part 1) – 5 Nights Away

It’s past midnight, so that title isn’t entirely accurate. I just had a heated discussion on facebook over why John Cena refuses to change his character. For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, read on. I figure I would explain who the key players of this year’s WrestleMania are in this blog entry.

I must take a moment to explain exactly what a ‘wrestling character’ is. Wrestlers in this day and age all play a role. That role is either that of a face (a good guy) or a heel (a bad guy). Characters can range from an anti-establishment rebel to an Irish Leprechaun. The characters that wrestlers play are usually extensions of their real life. For example, Stone Cold Steve Austin isn’t really a beer swilling redneck who loves to beat up his boss, but he has had some problems with management, he is from Texas and he does enjoy a cold beer occasionally. So without further ado, here’s a lowdown on some of the important performers at WrestleMania 28.

The Undertaker: It’s only fitting that I begin this list with a man whose name has become synonymous with WrestleMania. Since his debut at WrestleMania 7, Undertaker has wrestled at 19 WrestleManias, winning every match at them. He holds a record of 19 wins, 0 losses.  Yes wrestling’s fake, but this is still a big deal. It represents the company respecting your talent enough to put you on an insane winning streak. It would be like winning the Oscar 6 years in a row. The Undertaker has wrestled in a main-event capacity for over 20 years, and has come to be known simply as “The Phenom”. And that is truly who Undertaker is. He is a living phenomenon. At WrestleMania 28, ‘Taker once more puts his legendary streak on the line against Triple H, a man he’s beaten on 2 previous WrestleMania encounters. As always, WWE has added more thrills to the match. It will be contested inside Hell in a Cell- a tortuous match that has become the forte for both Undertaker and Triple H. And serving as the special guest referee is the Hall of Famer Shawn Michaels, who on two separate occasions delivered match-of-the-year performances in his attempts to end Undertaker’s streak.

Triple H: Alongside Undertaker, Triple H stands as one of the WWE’s most tenured competitors. Following his debut in 1995 as ‘The Connecticut Blueblood’ Hunter Hearst Helmsley, there were few who could identify him as a future superstar. However, his stellar in-ring talent speaks for itself, and today, ‘The Game’ Triple H has had 13 world title reigns to his name. Triple H also plays an important role in WWE’s backstage operations, taking on the role of Executive Vice President of Talent. Now it would be ignorant of me if I neglect to mention Triple H’s personal life and his marriage to Vince McMahon’s daughter Stephanie. However I don’t buy that this is the sole reason for Triple H’s success. He’s an awesome competitor in the ring, and it shows in his matches. At WrestleMania 28, he challenges Undertaker for his legendary undefeated streak a third time.  The match shall take place in Hell in a Cell, match that Triple H considers his ‘proving ground’. The special guest referee also plays an important part. After all, Shawn Michaels has always been Triple H’s best friend. Will this affect the outcome of the match? WWE never gives us a clear answer, and the only certainty is that Triple H and Undertaker will deliver a brutally entertaining match.

CM Punk: A man who represents the future of the WWE, last year was the most important one of CM Punk’s career. After defeating John Cena in his home town of Chicago, CM Punk did the unthinkable and left the WWE as World Champion, earning the title of the “Best in the World”. The truth is, CM Punk backs up his claims with his phenomenal ability both in the ring and on the mic. As it was made obvious last year, when CM Punk picks up a microphone, the world listens. He’s developed a reputation as an anti-establishment upstart, saying things on-air that very few people would dare to say, occasionally blurring the line between fake and real (such as criticizing WWE management for letting talent like Brock Lesnar go and criticizing the “idiotic” antics of Stephanie McMahon). This character that Punk has developed is really the end result of a man who has fought and clawed to find success in this business. With humble beginnings in independent wrestling promotions and adhering to a strict straight-edge drug and alcohol free lifestyle, Punk finally made it to the WWE in 2005. Punk is a man who identifies the injustice of the “model champion”, and the talent that gets ignored along the way. It’s one of those statements that blurs the line of reality and fantasy, and as a certain brand of wrestling fans know, Punk speaks a version of the truth. So CM Punk has risen through the ranks as a “voice for the voiceless”, a “savior”. At WrestleMania 28, CM Punk defends his WWE Championship against a returning Chris Jericho, who has pulled every dirty trick in the book to make this feud a personal war.

Chris Jericho: After reading Chris Jericho’s acclaimed autobiography, it became obvious to me that the man was a genius wrestler. Jericho is a guy who has travelled the globe, amassing a wealth of experience. He has a great knowledge of how the business works. He holds the wrestling tradition of respecting storyline in high regard, and prides himself on being a step ahead of the fans. Jericho frequently makes sure that he is always moving forward, always thinking of new means of making his character interesting. Jericho made a huge comeback earlier this year, in confusing fashion. He quickly explained that he was turning his back (yet again) on his “wannabe” fans, and criticized the “wannabe” wrestlers who have plagiarized the ideas he created during his career. Jericho is yet another wrestler who proclaims himself to be the “Best in the World”, a moniker that lead to his feud with CM Punk leading to WrestleMania. However the fued has quickly escalated, as CM Punk has called out Jericho for ignoring the WWE and focusing on his personal pursuits (including Dancing With the Stars), and Jericho taking cheap shots at CM Punks family by calling his father an alcoholic and his sister a substance abuser. The feud between these wrestlers will reach a boiling point at WrestleMania, and only good things can come of it. Because at the end of the day, both Jericho and Punk are outstanding performers, and their match could be one of the best of the night.